Hello!! Ito yung mga naipon kong mga jokes at quotes mula sa aking cellphone!!

ito na ang mga jokes at mga quotes ko.
:cool1:

Filipino Class.

GURO: Juan, magbigay ka ng pangungusap na may tayutay..

JUAN: ahem ahem.. "ang tatay ay nadapa.. Tayo tay! Tayo tay!!"


Ayos ba? :lol:

JUAN: Bwiset na Shampoo ito. Hindi bumubula!!

PEDRO: Pano bubula yan e hindi naman basa ang buhok mo!

JUAN: Baliw! For dry hair nga daw to eh!!! Bobo ka ba ha? Epal!!


Ayos ba? :lol:

Sinong anime character ang laging sinisipon at inaaching???

edi si..... Pik-ACHOO!!!


Ayos ba? :lol:

A couple had 3 kids named SOMEBODY, NOBODY and CRAZY..

Nobody was the favorite, Somebody was jealous.. So, he killed Nobody.

Crazy saw what happened, he called the cops and said,
"Hello Police? Somebody killed Nobody!"

The police asked, "Are you Crazy?!"
He said, "Yes, I'm Crazy!"


Ayos ba? :lol:

PAMATAY NA PICK-UP LINES:


"Geometry ba ang favorite subject mo?? Kasi kahit anong angle, ang cute mo.."

"Alam mo ba scientist ako? Kasi ikaw ang LAB ko."

"Ano height mo? Paano ka nagkasya sa puso ko?"

"Magaling ka siguro sa puzzles, kasi umaga palang, nabuo mo na araw ko."

"Pagod ka na ba? Kanina ka pa kasi tumatakbo saisip ko!"

"Bangin ka ba? Nahulog kasi ako sa'yo!"

"I'm a bee, can you be my honey?"

"May license ka ba? 'Cuz you're driving me crazy!"


Ayos ba? :lol:

Mental patient nagbubungkal ng lupa para magtanim.

NURSE: Ano ginagawa mo?

PATIENT: Hindi mo ba nakikita? Nagtatanim ako!!

NURSE: Wala ka namang tinatanim ah?

PATIENT: Seedless ito OK?! Seedless!!



Ayos ba? :lol:

"BOOTY"

Want to know about booty??

What is booty?

Booty is actually...

The one you trade in the junkshop!
Dyaryu! Bakal! Booty!

Ayos ba? :lol:

POLITICAL JOKE


A man died and went straight to heaven. He noticed many clocks hanging around so he asked St. Peter what are those clocks. The saint replied,

"Those are clocks of lies. When a person lies, the hands of his clock moves. Look at this one, this is Mother Teresa's clock, it never moved, it means she didn't tell any lie. This one is Abraham Lincoln, it only moved twice."

"Remarkable!" the man said. "But where's Gloria Arroyo's clock?" St. Peter said, "it's in Jesus office, he's using it as a ceiling fan."


Ayos ba? :lol:
Gets nyo? :lol:

You know what's the best part in dreams?

You get the person you want to love you back forever.

and you know what's the worst part?

Waking up.



Ayos ba? :lol:

CUTE FACE catches the eyes but
GOOD PERSONALITY catches the heart

You're blessed 'cause you have both!


Ayos ba?:lol:

May dalawang lasing:


JUAN: tol lasing na ako! uwi na tayo!

PEDRO: sige ba! medyo may tama na rin ako eh.

habang nasa daan...

JUAN: tol!! ano yan??

PEDRO: Wait lang titikman ko lang muna.

...

PEDRO: tol! tae 'to!

JUAN: mabuti hindi natin naapakan!


Ayos ba? :lol:

BATA: pabili po ubas
TINDERO: wala kami ubas eh.

(next day)

BATA: pabiling ubas
TINDERO: wala nga kaming ubas, isa pang tanong iiSTAPLERin ko bibig mo!

(next day)

BATA: may stapler po ba kayo?
TINDERO: wala, bakit?
BATA: pabiling ubas.


Ayos ba? :lol:

Evils of Alcohol


A father was trying to teach his son about evils of alcohol.

He put one worm both in a glass of water and in a glass of whisky.

The worm in the water lived while in the whisky, the worm in the whisky curled up and died.

The father asked, "Son, what have you learned from the experiment?"
SON: "well dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, hindi ka bubulatihin."


Ayos ba? :lol:

Three kids are reading their national alphabets

PINOY: ah ba ka da eh ga ha

KANO: A B C D E F G H

MUSLIM: bi li bi li vi si di di vi di em pi tri


Ayos ba? :lol:

ENRICH YOUR VOCABULARY :
by Manny Pacquiao


TACTICS - tunog ng orasan

TAYTOL - pamagat ng laban

JENGKEH - name ng asawa nya

NO PEER - sponsor nya

MOTOR KID - pag-ikot nya sa Manila

CHECK IN - manok sa McDO

CORRUPT - pagsara ng mata

MURA LESS - nakalaban nya

WIT - timbang

WAWAWE - noontime show

DUET - gawin mo

L.A. - Leto Atsensya!

QUOTES - tawag nya kay Freddie Roach!


Ayos ba? :lol:

BARBIE o SUPERMAN?


Dad: (son, may hawak na dalawang laruan) Si Barbie o Superman?

Son: Si Superman po.

Dad: Magaling!

Son: Ang pogi mo talaga Superman! Mwuah!


Ayos ba? :lol:

BOY: hindi na matutuloy wedding natin.

GIRL: bakit?

BOY: Kuya mo kasi eh.

GIRL: Hindi no! Gusto ka ng kuya ko!

BOY: yun nga eh. Gusto ko rin ang kuya mo!


Ayos ba? :lol:

I'm a virus..

and I'm entering your brain..

(processing)

TUT.. TUT..

Mission Failed!!

NO BRAIN FOUND!

Ayos ba? :lol:

PITONG KATOTOHANAN SA MUNDO:


(1) Lahat ng nakikita mo ay hindi iyo

(2) Hindi mo kayang bilangin ang buhok mo

(3) Hindi lahat ng ngipin mo ay abot ng dila mo

(4) Susubukan ng mga tanga ang (3)

(5) ang (3) ay mali

(6) mapapangiti ka kasi nagmukha kang tanga.

(7) ipapasa mo sa iba para makaganti ka!


Ayos ba? :lol:

Blue Roses for lovers,

White chocolates for crushes,

Pink balloons for friendships.

Most of all for loveless,

RED...


RED HORSE!!!

Ayos ba :lol:

Do you know the difference between somebody you "LOVE" and somebody you "LIKE"?


If not, read this message and think of it!



If you look into the eyes of the one you like you blush, but if you look onti the eyes of the one you love you smile.

In front of the person you like you tend to get shy, but in front of the person yo love you can show your own self.

You cannot look straight into the eyes of the one you like, but you can always smile into the eyes of the one you love.

When the one you love is crying, you cry with him/her, but when the one you like is crying you end up comforting her.


Ayos ba? :lol:

Minsan ang pagkakaibigan,

parang SAKIT.

Hindi mo napapansin,

nahahawa ka na pala.

Minsan tuloy

naisip ko

kaya ba gwapo't maganda mga friends ko

nahawa na sa akin?


Ayos ba? :lol:

IQ Test:

Why is P3.70 = P13.20?

Isipin mo.

Isipin mo.

:lol:

:lol:

Answer:

Trisibinti = Trisibinti

Ayos ba? :lol:
Gets nyo? :lol:
Basahin mo ulit :lol:

IQ Test:

For all who have 135 IQ

If Joey's father is John.

Then John is the ____ of Joey's father.

What is the missing word?

Logic lang.

:lol:

GIRL: break na tayo.. kailangan ko magconcentrate sa studies ko.

BOY: siguraduhin mong wala kang ibabagsak.. kundi.. naku.. tayo ulet!!


Ayos ba? :lol:

Revised Medical Term Meanings:




Antibody - against everone

Artery - the study of paintings

Chronic - neck of a crow

Coma - punctuation mark

Cortisone - area around local court

Dislocation - in this place

Enema - not a friend

Genes - blue denim

Lactose - people without toes

Lymph - walk unsteadily

Urine - Opposite of your out!


Ayos ba? :lol:

MGA PAMATAY NA QUOTES:


Lahat ng problema may solution. Kapag walang solution, wag mo nang problemahin.

Always remember: Kung kaya ng iba, ipagawa mo sa kanila. Don't force yourself, make life easy!

Hindi lahat ng gwapo may girlfriend. Ang iba sa kanila may boyfriend.

Don't face your problem, if your problem is your face.

Hindi bale nang tamad Hindi naman pagod.

Practice makes perfect but nobody is perfect so don't practice.

Ayos ba? :lol:

ENRICH YOUR VOCABULARY

Aspect: pantusok sa yelo

CD ROM: tingnan mo ang room

City: number bago mag otso

Devalue: susunod sa letter V

Dilemna : Brownout.

Ayos ba? :lol:

Pagkatapos ng thread na ito ay puro replies na ng ibang users. Salamat sa mga bumasa ng mga JOKES at Quotes ko. O kaya kayo ang magpasalamat sa kin sa pamamagitan ng pagpindot ng THANKS button at yung pangalawang button sa iba ng flag. Salamat.

mewon po ba kayung apps ng ganito para install ng phone yung joke qoutes

asa ka pa!? epal....kinuha mo lng 2 sa isang thread d2! copy paste mo lng....

ha? ako ba sinasabihan mo?

Mga kapatid, wag kayong away... mahal ang tinapay...:lol: walang competition d2 sa DS ang mahalaga eh meron kayong maishare sa kapwa natin pinoy...dapat everybody happy...~:victory:

ewan ko. bigla nalang akong sinabihan eh. haha. eh sa phone ko lang nakuha yun

Na-aapreciate ko po ung mga quotes! Salamat. Dagdagan nyo pa or may thread ba na may mga jokes na talaga. :) Thanks.

Ayos ang mga quotes and jokes mo ah. post more hehe :victory: